The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
