I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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