i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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