oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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