lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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