last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so let's talk penis.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
