meet me or not, i'm out of control
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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