i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He felt like a one man threesome
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
