So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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