Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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