We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
