The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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