chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
