Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
