Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
