I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
