coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
