when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
