Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
