Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
