Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
