So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize