I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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