the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
