Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
