I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
