omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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