I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
