if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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