So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
ttyl tear gas
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
