"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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