I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
