Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
