there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
