rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
