I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
someone owes me an orgasm
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
