I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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