No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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