I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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