There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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