Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Drunk is not a location!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
