Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize