Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
