Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
