but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
