im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
