I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
