A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
