I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
