What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize