Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
