Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
