Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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