The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
