It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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