I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
