just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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