Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
