I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
