I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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