It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
that is very illegal...i love you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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