Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
