I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
