Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
