That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
