He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
