I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
