Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize