Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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