oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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