It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
