I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
