one two three fourrrrnication!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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