we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
