Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
