get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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