Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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