I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
