I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
